11: A heart that only you can mend
by Julie Verne
Summary: Season 5, episode 9 interlude. Meet me where the road ends, lost out here without my friend. A heart that only you can mend


It's Sydney.

Of course her sister is Sydney. An insistent Jewish woman with a sister pushing for her to ask for Maggie.

Of course it's Sydney.

Of course Sydney is back in Hope Zion, as small and gorgeous as Maggie remembers her. Of course she's rushed to her sister's aid, is soothing her pregnant sister with cancer while Maggie stands there, stunned and dazed, processing the appearance of someone she had long ago lost.

When Sydney turns and smiles, just a little, at Maggie, she melts all over again. She smiles back, face scrunching in genuine pleasure. However Sydney had left it, Maggie was still pleased to see her; so much more pleased than any of those dates Zack had practically coerced her to go on. None of them had made her heart beat like this, none of them had made her smile like this, none of them had filled her heart with their presence.

The only person who ever had was Sydney. And now she is back in Hope Zion, Maggie watching her small hands smooth over her sister's forehead and stomach. She'd thought Sydney's family had, for the most part, rejected her – but her sister bore her presence, her touch. It was a good sign.

Then Maggie has to deal with the reality of a very bad position. A choice she'd made earlier – an over-involvement with Bree, someone who had finally made her feel something in the absence of Sydney - now means Sydney's sister can't get the treatment she came here for. And she has to break the news to Sydney. Rebecca's prognosis is not good – the survival rate for women let alone the fetus for this kind of cancer is very, very low, and even with the positive results from the gene trial it may not have helped.

* * *

Sydney is close to tears as she talks to Maggie about coming home to a family who abandoned her, and it suddenly makes more sense to Maggie that Sydney took off like that – to be rejected so thoroughly by family must be something you want to run away from. And the situation isn't helping any, Sydney's small hand rubbing anxiously on her throat, a throat she can remember kissing, a hand Maggie can remember on her bare torso...

"You look good, Maggie," Sydney says, and Maggie catches the way Sydney's gaze drops from her face to take her all in before she walks away, scrubbing at her face, and Maggie wishes she'd stayed a little longer, let Maggie's hand on the windowsill of her sister's room creep close enough to touch her, so Maggie could have offered some comfort. Maggie drops her arm back to her side, clenches her fist as she watches Sydney walk away again, wishing she could call her back but knowing she has no right to.

* * *

When Maggie goes back to Rebecca's room to break the news about the trial, Sydney is there again. She says she got a text that her family had been delayed, and she gives Maggie a look that lets her know that she is here to help Maggie tell Rebecca that the help she sought here is not available.

Rebecca's reaction is not surprising, given all Sydney has said. But it feels more like Rebecca is disappointed that she didn't know her sister as well as she had thought, that perhaps she is grieving the image of her sister she used to have. Sydney has to be older than Rebecca – they never discussed their age, but the interaction between the siblings belies their birth order. Sydney is used to respect from Rebecca, a deference – and to not receive it is still upsetting to her. Maggie wants to put a comforting hand on Sydney's back before she takes off again, but dares not to in light of what Rebecca has said. Even as she apologises, Maggie wonders how much of that is to get Maggie to do what she needs the Doctor to do.

Maggie discovers first-hand how volatile Sydney's family is when her sister says those things to her. She stays quiet, because it's not about her – even though it is. Or was – Maggie's not sure still what Sydney's doing here, if she'll fly back to Israel and her girlfriend at the end of the day. Maggie's dating life has been a mess, and seeing Sydney has just... awakened all the feelings she had, still has, all the confusion of the lack of definition around their relationship, all the hurt of repeated abandonment.

So when Rebecca's blood pressure drops it's almost a relief to be able to focus on something else.

* * *

Maggie takes Rebecca into surgery, Sydney's fluster and uncertainty surprising. Doctor Scott's comments aren't exactly unhelpful either. Sydney watching makes it harder, but Maggie knows what she's doing, knows what this woman means to the woman that means so much to her. So she makes the call, and thankfully, so thankfully that Maggie shoots an almost-prayer to whatever deity, it goes well.

Sydney talks to her family – her family that doesn't love her any more – while Maggie stops shaking, supervises the closing. She makes her way into Rebecca's room, where her family is waiting, and Sydney won't look at her. Her parents are on one side, Sydney on the other, a man who must be Rebecca's husband hovering in the middle uncertainly.

Sydney hasn't been ashamed of who she is for so long, but Maggie can feel the shame from across the room. She makes the choice of where to stand easily, steps in beside Sydney – close enough to provide support but not so close as to raise suspicion. Maggie praises the choices Sydney made that brought this result – the cancer and an ovary removed, a much better outlook for Rebecca and the baby, but Sydney's family refuses to acknowledge Sydney. They thank Maggie for her work, and Maggie steps out of the room to find herself shaking again – this time with anger.

That Sydney is being treated like this by her family, which seems like a common occurrence from what Sydney said, is almost more than she can bear. Maggie's told her mother about the women she's dated – woman, rather, since she and Sydney never actually dated – and nothing had changed for her. Now her mother sends her texts about her nice Chinese friend's daughters as well as their sons. But for Sydney, this complete disconnect must be so jarring. Maggie had taken it personally when Sydney had left, but she understands now why Sydney had said this had nothing to do with her. She was just a woman that Sydney had felt something for – something more than just sexual attraction, judging by the way she popped so casually in and out of Maggie's life, the look on her face when she thought Maggie wasn't looking so tender and full of awe – but Maggie was only part of the whole. Maggie was a detour on this life path Sydney had taken, and the amount of hurt Maggie could feel radiating from Sydney in that room was near unbearable, even for Maggie. To have that vitriol aimed at her would be incredibly damaging.

* * *

Sydney meets Maggie on the ward, pacing near Rebecca's room. When she looks up and sees Maggie her face lights up, a smile on her face again, and Maggie's chest hurts because for Sydney to be able to smile after all she's been through today is immense. And the fact that the smile is again aimed at her is overwhelming. Sydney falls into step beside Maggie, and Maggie explains the treatment plan moving forward.

There is still a lot of risks in the pregnancy and Rebecca is still not out of the woods, but Maggie has a comprehensive plan to reduce the risks and make sure Rebecca is around to see her child grow up.

For a moment Maggie pictures Sydney holding her sister's child, a baby girl with a shock of red hair, and her breath catches. She looks back to Sydney, takes a breath.

Maggie tries to ask casually, tries to seem casual while asking if Sydney is going to stay, if she's going back to Israel or her girlfriend, if Sydney wants to...

Finally go on a date. Dinner. A drink. A catch up. Any way she can spend time with Sydney while she's here, because she's started to realise how barren her life has been without her. This year has been better, for sure, but there's still a Sydney-shaped hole in her life, and this is the only person who can, even briefly, for however long she's staying, fill it.

And Sydney stops her. Tells her to listen, and Maggie's heart drops. This is where Sydney says she's leaving. Or engaged, or married. This is where Sydney runs away from Maggie again, so she lets out a strangled 'k', bracing herself.

And Sydney says, cryptically.

"When I was in Israel, I thought about you... every day,"

And Maggie is nothing if not honest.

"I thought about you too," she says quickly. Not mentioning that she'd measured everyone in her life against Sydney and they'd all come up short.

And Sydney kisses her. Maggie should be able to read the signs by now, but she obviously can't because she's caught by surprise again.

And nothing has changed – here is the tug from her nethers that rises at the touch of Sydney's mouth, there are the soft, familiar, vaguely strawberry lips. Maggie glances to the right as Sydney pulls away, notes Rebecca watching, and Sydney's parents oblivious. Sydney's hands drop from her face to the lapel of her white coat, and Maggie tries to compose herself, purses her lips, waits for Sydney to say something now that she's finally, maybe, made a move. She's admitted finally that Maggie means something to her, and Maggie has played too many cards to show her hand now. She has to wait for Sydney to say something.

"I want to know if we can be something. I just need to know if you do too." Sydney says, and Maggie, a big grown-up doctor, feels like a child who's been caught by her crush in kiss-chasey.

Maggie smiles, inclines her head. Sydney goes in to see her sister, smiles at Maggie through the door – and Maggie smiles back.

* * *

Maggie checks in on Rebecca a few times during her shift and again after the end of her shift, back in her street clothes, all the family gone including Sydney. Disappeared back into the ether, probably. Another confession, another withdrawal.

Rebecca smiles sleepily, and Maggie can tell now that they're sisters. She doesn't check the wound since she's off-duty, just sits next to Rebecca without a word, takes her hand. Rebecca accepts it, obviously feeling a little overwhelmed and alone.

"Thank you," Rebecca says, finally, sleepily.

"Of course," Maggie says for the second time that day, because there was nothing else she could have done but her best.

"No, thank you. Sydney. She's always been... uptight and afraid. She's... different. Since she came here. Since she came out. Since she met you, I think. She seems... happier."

"You saw that, huh?" Maggie asks, referring to the kiss Sydney had sprung on her.

"I heard a lot about you, years ago. I always wondered, especially after she came out. I can see what she sees in you. I didn't understand, but I get it now. I hope she sticks around this time."

"Me too," Maggie says, rubbing her thumb over Rebecca's knuckles. "But you need your rest. How's the pain?"

"Bearable." Rebecca yawns, and it's not long before she's asleep. Maggie releases the hand in hers soon after, and goes home, ignoring an insistent hum from a missed call in her bag. It's been a long day, and she needs a hot shower, a goat cheese pizza with anchovies, some gin and some sleep.

* * *

Author's note:

Sorry for the delay on this. Had a lot of day/night/day work after getting better and I'm only just breaking out of the exhaustion. My PCN does not like it when I leave it with the boys. And on top of that the gender politics of a male-dominated industry, the persistently sexist comments from the manager I refuse to answer to, the homophobic comments from people from a different culture...  
It's like Dawn told Cassie - you can't just be as good as the men. You have to be better, have a thick skin. You have to be exceptional to even compete with very mediocre men.

On top of that I had some misconceptions around Maggie's sexuality. I have to rejig the original ending to make room for these 4 episodes.  
It also took a while for me to watch season 5 because Australia is... just... Straya. You know? A streaming provider copped some serious shit for epically failing over the Game of Thrones premiere because the infrastructure and their streaming services are not capable of providing low-quality let alone HD streams.


End file.
